Doggie Prayers
June 28, 2008
TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘ Chrysler Beagle’?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1 I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.
8. I don’t need to be immediately under Mom’s feet when she is carrying a laundry basket down the stairs. She can probably make it safely down without my help.
9. I don ‘t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
10. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
12. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch .
13. There is no secret exit from the bathroom. Mom or Dad will come out the same way they went in, so I don’t need to try to paw my way inside to follow them.
14. The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Hydration Treat for Dogs?
June 27, 2008
Century Foods has introduced a new line of bottled water for dogs that the company’s director of sales is calling a “hydration treat for dogs”. Sold under the brand name Hero Enhanced Dog Water, Century’s dog water is the latest entry into the soon-to-be-crowded dog water market.
When is a dog park a bad idea?
June 26, 2008
From Toronto: Dogs who have recently visited High Park are getting sick at an alarming rate. At least two have died, and police have found a mixture of bread, flax seed, and a toxic liquid about five minutes’ walk from Dog Hill.
Chance’s bad weekend
June 25, 2008
I spent last weekend at a family reunion near Cincinnati. My next oldest brother, Jim, and his wife Phyllis have a son, er… dog named Chance. This is not a case of people who treat their dog like a child. They actually consider him their offspring. And he couldn’t have had a worse weekend.
Saving Your Pet’s Life
June 24, 2008
Parade magazine in last Sunday’s paper had a nice article on pet first aid. Dr. Karen Halligan details what to do in the case of car accidents, bleeding, choking, loss of consciousness, and poisoning.
Prison Dogs
June 23, 2008
From the Hamilton, Ohio Journal News: Project Free Inmate Dog Obedience (FIDO) is matching dogs from the humane society to prisoners at the Butler County Jail for obedience training. The prisoners are screened to make sure they have not abused animals, then they are matched to a dog from the shelter.
Meet Gus
June 23, 2008
From Petaluma, CA: Have you ever met a dog you thought was so ugly, you couldn’t imagine why anyone would ever want him? Apparently, you haven’t met Gus, whose family, the Teeds of Florida, thinks he is just adorable, in spite of his winning the world’s ugliest dog contest over the weekend.
Free at last!
June 22, 2008
Harvey, a Stafforshire bull terrier, made good use of his family’s trampoline. He really, really wanted out of his fenced-in yard, so he simply bounced his way out!
The Silver Lining
June 21, 2008
The Baltimore Sun is reporting that one of the dog’s seized from Michael Vick’s dog fighting business has gone to California and is working with cancer patients as a therapy dog. The oncology director, Paula Reed, says, “He is wonderful, and all the patients love Leo. They really love his eyes and gentleness.”
Smartest Dogs
June 21, 2008
Yesterday, we presented the list compiled by the CBS Early Show as the ten dumbest dogs. As promised, today we have their list of the ten smartest dogs. They are listed below, from the 10th smartest to the overall smartest breed of dog. Here’s the disclaimer: These were picked by someone at CBS, and I don’t necessarily agree.
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